I would sit with you on the porch late at night after I had been drinking and tell you why it's not wise to dream about the stars.

I would let you see me lying on the floor and crying because I can't accept that things aren't they way I want them to be. And then I'd let you wipe the puke from my face after I'd admitted that I am powerless to do anything about it.

I would admit that I don't know why people fall in and out of love. I would show you pictures of naked women and tell you what you're really supposed to do with them.

I'd let you drive my car and carve up shit with my knife. I would show you the best place to hide if you just couldn't help but throw an egg or snowball at a passing car.

Then I would explain the finer points of lying and how to convince people that you meant the best even if you didn't. I would show you something much stealthier than a poker face - I would show you how to detach.

I'd tell you things about drugs that most people will never know. I would tell you stories about things involving that stuff that I almost didn't survive, and recollections of the confusion, the laughter, and the souls I managed to know because of it all.

I'd squeeze you until it hurt and then push your face into the grass. Then I would keep knocking you down as you tried to get up until you cried. I'd feel shitty when it was over and then promise to never do it again.

I'd take you to the mall and race you from one end to the other while we screamed what ever we wanted at all the people trying to shop. Then as we were leaving I'd look you in the face and say, "Fuck them anyway," and give you a pull from my cigarette. We would spit hockers on cars that we didn't like.

I'd get drunk again and pose all manner of answerless questions to you. I'd ask you to forgive me for lacking proper judgment in the things that matter most to those who will allow us to move freely or otherwise.

I'd put together an archive of all the silly words I have been compelled to write since the day of your first breath just seven years ago - the day that I came to know permanence, terror, and the desire to be loved selflessly while gasping for that same air.

If it wouldn't ruin you I'd try to teach you the weird ideas I have come to embrace, but I am told that they have ruined me.